After looking at both the revisions two of my classmates made I have reevaluated my first draft in a few different ways.
One very good suggestion I received was about the tense of my essay. In some portions of my essay I often changed from first person to second person. By doing this I realized that it may cause some confusion with the readers and how these thoughts came about. I have changed all of these parts as best I could and feel that the essay has improved a lot just by making these alterations.
Another helpful change that was offered by the revisions was about the structure of my arguments and finding while visiting my space. One of people that revised my paper gave many suggestion in how separate sentences or rearrange my ideas to give a clearer picture of whats going on or explain something better. By separating some of the paragraphs I can even lengthen my paper.
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